So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
