Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
