why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
