walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
