woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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