best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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