my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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