Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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