I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
