He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
