WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Be still, my beating vagina.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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