He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We have started to decorate penises.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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