Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
