Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
