If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
