If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
