I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
