you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
