He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
These tits shall not be calmed
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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