the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
