you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Randomize
