Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
