Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
