Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
