he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
