Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
