That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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