are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
he shaved USA in his pubs
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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