Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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