Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i think my tv is drunk
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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