At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he told me I talked like a deaf person
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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