My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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