dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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