i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
