I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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