how can u be prego again
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He passed out mid-signature
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
