but the lizard people decide everything anyway
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
