Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
