Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
