I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
