when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
