A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Randomize
