My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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