shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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