Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
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