Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
