Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
