Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
