i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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