oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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