I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
