I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
