I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
