I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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