You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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