if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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