So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
